Kids' pen

Every year, the Children's Festival comes to Schenley Plaza.  This year, for the first time, Gracie wanted to see, pet and feed the animals.

I'm so proud of my growing girl!

Spring Shots

Some things I am thankful for this past Spring:

1) Having little kids at my house:

2) Lilacs in bloom by the carport and peonies in the front yard:

3) Happily reading siblings (and a girl who "spelled her name" for the first time:

4) The first outside tea-party of the season, with great books from the library:

5) A new buddy for Gracie (with two older brothers who are sweet to my kids), plus a baby who plays peek-a-boo while eating blueberries

7) And so many other blessings:

Me: That's a dandelion, Sheldon
Shel: Roar

Nursing her baby

Going to a "Where the Wild Things Are" Tiny Tots concert

A great find at the consignment sale

Braids and bows

Delicious baby curls

And . . .we're back!

I've emerged from my spring weather-funk to bring you happy photos of the children!

Winter this year was quite nice. A couple of snows, enough to give the kids a chance at sledding, but lots of sunshine and nothing too bitterly cold.

Spring, however.

You know that "if you can't say something nice" motto? Spring is why I haven't blogged in months.

Spring started with a snow on March 1. (Perhaps that was winter still.) And it was fun and G went sledding:

She mastered this bunny hill, so we went to the real slope at Schenley.  She was awesome!  She even trooped up by herself, dragging her sled, since I was at the top with Sheldon.

But this is what it looked like on March 26.

I wrote a whole post, which I will spare you, on the torment of spring and how my mental game is shot and when I see daffodils, forsythia, lilacs and tulips, I just want the season to follow through on its promise.

But it doesn't.  Do not trust spring.  Here we are at Easter, hunting eggs in down.

Okay, we were the only two in down.  But still.

Also, do not watch the children of friends who are moving.  This aids them.  Next time, note to self, somehow sabotage their move.  We've said goodbye to good friends. (I've helped five people/families move in the past four months, with two more to go in July.  Gracie said, "All my friends are moving, and I don't like it."  She thinks moving is something that happens to one and she informed me that she didn't think it would happen to us.) 

But there were of course lots of blessings:  visits from Nana and Papa and Essie.  We had outings to the Zoo and Science Center.

And three cheers for summer!

Parenting books

So, how do you raise a child who responds with prompt and cheerful (first-time) obedience?  Who speaks respectfully with "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" and greets guests with a smile and eye contact?  How do you encourage self-discipline and creativity? How do you teach them to think through the consequences of their actions, develop healthy relationships, be confident, secure, forgiving?  How do you introduce them to God?  How do you cultivate a good relationship with them that transitions from parent to friend in adulthood?  How do you create a home of order and wonder?

There are so many different theories on this!  And it's my tendency to look for The Right Way.  All the books have roughly the same goal (virtuous adults), all say that parents will make mistakes, and of course each family / child is different.  But the methods differ so much that I just don't know what to make of it right now.

I just read a book called Parenting with Love and Logic.  It promotes using natural consequences, logical consequences and time-outs (as an extension of a logical consequence.)  I really like the emphasis on letting experience teach the child, and then truly empathizing with his poor choice (if he makes one). That way, the punishment is felt internally, and the kid blames himself (not the parent); he has to take responsibility for his own actions.  You learn by doing, internalizing and thinking!  Very Socratic. I also like the idea of relinquishing control, in gradual degrees, until the kid is a late teen and is capable of making wise choices for himself.

One take-away: give G a choice in her clothes (even if she isn't asking to choose them), ask if she'd rather "carry or wear" her coat to the car, etc.

But, does this approach deal effectively with whining, non-compliance in preschoolers and open defiance?  (Grace really doesn't do these things very often, but they occur occasionally.)  Is it fair to say "I'll get back to you about that," and come up with a consequence later, when it presents itself?  ("I asked you nicely to go to your room and you didn't, so now when you're asking me nicely to go to the zoo, we won't.")  That's the same logic that Kevin Lehman uses in Have a New Kid by Friday, and it just doesn't sit well with me.  (To be fair, I think these authors are suggesting that tactic with an older child.)  Also, I have trouble letting a child make a choice with a logical consequence that would hurt her (ie, "you may be excused, and perhaps the next meal will appeal to you more" and then letting the picky eater go hungry at bedtime.)

This book outlines a good tool for the tool box, and one I maybe should use more often.  But I'll wait to discuss with David to see if it will be one we use right now.

  

Ballerina

Greedy for a Facebook photo of my precious girl in a tutu (there have been a surge of preschool ballerina pics from friends lately, and I wanted to join them!), I found a studio that offered a block of lessons at a reasonable rate. Grace likes to dance, so I thought she would have fun too; it wasn't totally self-serving. :)

Although she was excited to go, she took some time to warm up to the idea once we arrived.  That's okay; I knew she would.  And it was an hour long class, so 20 minutes of watching still left plenty of time to dance.

Then the instructor placed a set of rings on the ground, and the girls practiced leaping over them.  It looked fun enough for Grace to try it, first with me holding her hand, and then solo.

 

Big high fives from the instructor.

Intense concentration

After that, Grace stayed with the other girls (two we didn't know, plus one friend who came with us) and watched the instructor very closely.
 

 

 

I love this picture.  She is so proud.

There was also some free-form dancing, and Grace had big smiles during that time.  (I figured I had already photo-bombed the hour and should stop, so I don't have a shot for that.)

The instructor taught a little routine at the end which included an optional solo for each girl.  They wore a little hat when it was their turn.  Grace wanted to wear the hat, but I'm not sure she knew it meant a spotlight.  The fingers went back into her mouth, she froze, and then ran to me.  Sweet girl.  Later we had a discussion about how it's okay to tell adults no (not Mama and Daddy, but other adults, especially when what they ask makes you uncomfortable).

Our friend Zoe joined us (littlest one, next to Gracie)

After it was over, she said, "Mama, I need a lollipop, because I did a good job." And then, "Mama, let's go out to a restaurant."  She really wanted to celebrate what was a genuine accomplishment. 

I am so proud of her. 

And of course, she got a lollipop.  :)  I like how easy-going the instructor, Rosa, is and that I can stay close and watch.  A pair of ballet shoes are on their way, and we will hunt for a leotard.  It was exhausting and good for us both.